Crazy people keep animals in their backpacks

Sometimes this really smelly guy will hang out in the computing site outside our office. His body odor is so bad that anybody walking by will think someone left a big bucket of crotch sweat in the site, but no, it's just him doing whatever it is smelly people do on the internet.

He looks a little...off, too. He's got frizzy brown hair, long unkempt sideburns and beard, and sometimes he's wearing suspenders over his flannel shirt. This makes everybody less likely to say something to him. What if I tap him on the shoulder to get his attention and he just pulls a raccoon out of his backpack and starts screaming?

So I've thought it over and I'm thinking the solution that's best for everybody is having a friendly custodian spray Febreze in the smelly guy's eyes and then kick him in the stomach. The smell will be reduced and that smelly asshole will get kicked in the stomach. Everybody wins!

(work.)

I don't know why someone would collect a bucket of crotch sweat, but whoever wants that bucket probably has his interns do it. That just seems like an intern-y thing to do.