Eating your sandwich face first

Hey Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich! Would you like to watch TV with me and Katz? You would? That's awesome.

Is it OK if I eat you? I'll be nice, and I'll wash you down with milk. That cool?

Ok, good.

I am going to eat you. If you had a face, I'd eat that first so I wouldn't have to hear you scream. I don't know how thin these walls are, so a screaming sandwich just might piss off the neighbors. 'What's all that racket?' and I say 'It's just my living sandwich, screaming in pain because I'm eating it' and they'd say 'well then eat the face first' and I'd say 'I'M TRYING.'

Yup.

(sandwich, face first.)

I don't know why I anthropomorphized my food just to murder it. That'd be like some kids putting a magic hat on Frosty the Snowman and bringing him to life only to scoop away his face to make snow cones. Sure it's delicious, but man, you look like a dick.