The Blazin' Sauce incident
I ran out of room for tonight's away message, so I had to put it elsewhere. People, if you can stand reading about my genitals and the wacky adventures they have, click here.
And if you aren't in the mood to hear about my man parts in great detail, then I don't know why we're friends. Or internet acquaintances. Or you're stalking me.
Either way, enjoy the extended special-edition away message. I'll be back Wednesday at about 7pm. Pray for my genitals.
(I strongly considered putting my junk in ranch dressing.)
And in the event that that link dies, here's what it said:
Today at Buffalo Wild Wings a friend had me try a wing slathered in Blazin' sauce, the hottest, deadliest of the sauces.
Within 5 minutes, I drank 3 full glasses of water. My mouth was in extreme pain, my eyes were watering, and to make matters worse, I had to pee, 'cause hey, I drank a quart of water in five minutes.
So I pee then get back to the table and pause for a second. Something...didn't feel right. Then it hit me:
HOLY SHIT, MY PENIS IS ON FIRE.
The fucking blazin' sauce got on my genitals. My man parts were in flames. I guess my fingers got sauce on them, then I peed and ignited my dong.
The burning wouldn't stop. It was like I had just had sex with a campfire that happened to have VD. Flames engulfed my manhood, and soon I couldn't carry a conversation with the guys without thinking of stealing their little cups of ranch dressing and pouring them down my pants. I knew what I had to do.
I had to wash my penis in a popular sports bar. So I took a wet nap from the table and went into a bathroom stall and scrubbed away.
I went back to the table, sure I'd be fine again, but no. The pain continued, but on the upside, my wang smelled like lemons.
So I had no choice but to sit there with my burning, lemon-scented penis.
Eventually, the pain faded and my junk lost the scent of freshly-wiped hands.
Well, everyone, I hope you're happy. You just read about my genitals for an extended period of time. Just know that I didn't read about YOUR private parts. But then again, YOU didn't burn yours in a freak buffalo wings accident.
(Work, class, lab, NOT burning sex organs, etc.)
And if you aren't in the mood to hear about my man parts in great detail, then I don't know why we're friends. Or internet acquaintances. Or you're stalking me.
Either way, enjoy the extended special-edition away message. I'll be back Wednesday at about 7pm. Pray for my genitals.
(I strongly considered putting my junk in ranch dressing.)
And in the event that that link dies, here's what it said:
Today at Buffalo Wild Wings a friend had me try a wing slathered in Blazin' sauce, the hottest, deadliest of the sauces.
Within 5 minutes, I drank 3 full glasses of water. My mouth was in extreme pain, my eyes were watering, and to make matters worse, I had to pee, 'cause hey, I drank a quart of water in five minutes.
So I pee then get back to the table and pause for a second. Something...didn't feel right. Then it hit me:
HOLY SHIT, MY PENIS IS ON FIRE.
The fucking blazin' sauce got on my genitals. My man parts were in flames. I guess my fingers got sauce on them, then I peed and ignited my dong.
The burning wouldn't stop. It was like I had just had sex with a campfire that happened to have VD. Flames engulfed my manhood, and soon I couldn't carry a conversation with the guys without thinking of stealing their little cups of ranch dressing and pouring them down my pants. I knew what I had to do.
I had to wash my penis in a popular sports bar. So I took a wet nap from the table and went into a bathroom stall and scrubbed away.
I went back to the table, sure I'd be fine again, but no. The pain continued, but on the upside, my wang smelled like lemons.
So I had no choice but to sit there with my burning, lemon-scented penis.
Eventually, the pain faded and my junk lost the scent of freshly-wiped hands.
Well, everyone, I hope you're happy. You just read about my genitals for an extended period of time. Just know that I didn't read about YOUR private parts. But then again, YOU didn't burn yours in a freak buffalo wings accident.
(Work, class, lab, NOT burning sex organs, etc.)
posted by Henry at 1:08 AM
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