He doesn't even own a bed

I used to feel ambitious for starting work at 7am every weekday, but when I mentioned my work schedule to Amy's dad, he shot me down.

(I yawn after dinner)
Amy's Dad: 'Tired?'
Me: 'Kinda. Been up since 6.'
AD: 'I was having my second cup of coffee at about that time, because I've been up since 4.'
Me: 'Yeah, well, I worked until 5, and I went to bed after midn-'
AD: 'Did I say 4? I meant 2 in the morning.'
Me: 'That doesn't sound realistic.'
AD: 'Last time I woke up, it was September.'
Me: 'Okay, you've made your point.'
AD: 'I DON'T OWN A BED.'
Me: 'I get it, I'm lazy.'
AD: 'There's a pile of straw in the corner of my bedroom where I make my wife sleep.'

The lesson here is that if a man prides himself on working hard, don't talk to him about work or he'll force his wife to sleep on the floor.

...or something.

(bed.)

Sometimes I'll think about waking up really early just so I could say, 'I've been up that long, too,' but I don't want to start waking up at the crack of dawn just to win a pissing contest.