No talking before the movie, lest I cut you

Those 'no talking during the movie' shorts that come up before you see a movie are less effective when presented by silly men dressed as soda and popcorn. How are little kids going to get the message that they need to shut the fuck up if they're so happy to see the dancing food man do a silly dance?

What they need is some scary guy in a trenchcoat to jump onto the screen and start threatening the audience.

'Shut the fuck up during the movie. Ain't nobody gonna hear you when I come to murder you anyway. If you don't turn off that cell phone, Ima steal it and sell it for meth.

Ima get up in yo' nightmares and cut you.

And in the event of me cutting you, please note the nearest exit.'

There's just something about threatening lives that just makes kids... listen, ya know?

(work.)

This away message was inspired by the laughter of children following a serious message. I don't want kids laughing when they should be listening. I want them listening intently because some scary man in at the movies said he was going to get up in their nightmares. Crying afterward is optional as long as it's quiet.