Side effects including killing yourself, mild headache

When I was in high school I was prescribed a drug called Accutane. What Accutane did was make it so you didn't get pimples after you took it for several weeks. However, one possible side effect worried me a little: You'll fucking kill yourself.

Apparently some teenagers who took Accutane had offed themselves so 'suicide' was listed as a possible side effect right up there with 'dry mouth' and 'slight headaches.'

The doctor warned me.
'When you're on Accutane, you may kill yourself.'
'Wow, that's awful.'
'Yeah, some kid on Accutane killed himself a couple months ago, so we have to warn you that Accutane may make you kill yourself.'
'How will I kill myself?'
'Oh, that's entirely up to you.'
'At least I'll have options, then.'
'Yes. Yes you will.'

So that was fun.

(work.)

Googling "accutane" yields sponsored results, many of which go straight to lawyers' websites. Some of these websites list all the diseases and disorders I could (should?) have contracted while using Accutane:

• Rectal Bleeding
• Birth Defects (when I'm 16? Wow, don't mess with Accutane. Especially if you're pregnant.)
• Central Nervous System Injuries
• Lupus
• Pancreatitis

How am I not dead? The list goes on and on, leading me to believe that the second I started taking that pill I should have keeled over, burst into flames, and been shot by a sniper hired by Accutane itself.