Lizards are expensive

So I was talking to Amy about ideal pets and she started talking about the leopard gecko, a friendly, easy-to-care-for lizard she worked with at PetSmart (it was for sale, not a coworker).

So I, trying to be a good boyfriend, debating buying her one to keep her company in Chicago. Then I learned the dark secret behind the leopard gecko:

They're fucking expensive.

No one should be allowed to put a price on life because life is precious. And if they do put a price on life, it shouldn't be 100 dollars for a goddamn lizard.

I'm appalled that someone could have the nerve to take an animal out of its native habitat and then lock it up in a store like that. The least they could do (if they had souls) was let me set the lizard free for free. Old school American leaders said freedom has a price, but that usually meant going to war, not spending half your fucking paycheck on a reptile. Assholes.

(Class.)

Until I strike oil in my basement, I guess I'll just have to roam the forest, looking for cute stuff I can give to my girlfriend.

I hope she likes rocks. And not the diamond kind, either (diamonds cost even more than lizards!).