"Vegan" just means "hungry."

'Vegan' just means 'hungry.'

Think of it this way: when you're a vegan, you can't eat anything. You can't eat turkey sandwiches or ham and cheese omelettes or barbeque ribs. You can't even eat Altoids because they're made from animal products.

But come on, if you eat an Altoid, is that really a big hit to the animal kingdom? One Altoid mint is like, what, a pig foot? Pigs don't need feet. Not if they're just going to be rolled in grease and fried up for breakfast.

I'd try being vegan, but then the next time I was at the supermarket I'd pass all the Beefaroni and Pasta Roni and other cheap college food (it ends in 'roni') and I'd frown. So I'd end up buying eight pounds of carrots because I have no clue what vegans are allowed to eat.

So if someone says they're vegan, chances are they're starving.

(Bed.)

So if vegans eat carrots and lettuce, and rabbits eat carrots and lettuce, then why can't vegans just eat the goddamn rabbits to get all the carrots and lettuce? It makes sense to me. I'm sure the rabbits wouldn't mind. They're stupid.

Maybe I'd be more tolerant of veganism if I had the money. I can't let my morals decide what I eat just yet. I'll get morals when I can afford them. Until then, I'm not recycling unless I get money for it and I'm not eating fancy tofu salads until they're affordable and they don't taste like Mother Earth's leafy farts.