Hot piece of bass

During last night's drunken shenanigans, I gave Amy a call and tried to say sweet things to her:
'Amy, there are a lot of fish in the sea, and I'm glad I've got you. All those other bitches are just minnows. You're a hot piece of bass.'

Of course, that's me remembering it while sober. When I actually said that (the pun was spontaneous, by the way), there's a chance I only mentioned the concepts and butchered the delivery. I could have said:
'You're the only fish I want to have sex with.'

And, knowing Amy, she would have laughed. Best fish to have sex with, indeed.

(Giving Mom a card.)

I bought my mom flowers from Farmer Jack (I am classy), then when I gave them to her she said, "Oh, they're so pretty" and pulled them toward herself. Then I realized that I'd forgotten to remove the price tag, so I pulled the flowers back so I could remove it.

"Oh yeah, hey, look at these flowers. They sure are nice. I'll get them ready, you find a vase."

You have to let your mom feel like she's worth the world, not just the $29.99 you spent on flowers at the grocery store on your way home.