I hate the Ann Arbor Art Fair, Part 1

The Art Fair starts today, beginning its Reign of Terror, which will last until Saturday.

Not familiar with the Ann Arbor Art Fair? Run through this thought exercise with me.

Imagine your favorite city. Nice, isn't it? Now imagine that someone filled the streets with garbage, making travel by car into and out of the city nearly impossible.

Now imagine white tents pop up over the street garbage people begin selling the garbage for a lot of money. Seven hundred dollars for some wind chimes made out old Coke bottles? A thousand dollars for a bike pump glued to a dead guinea pig? Why not, Art Fair?

The townies think art should be done all year and celebrated locally, whereas Art Fair people come to down once a year to sell expensive garbage art. I say both of you camps of assholes need to get a real job and get the hell out of Ann Arbor, you fat dickheads.

(work, 8-6.)

A friend yelled at me because her parents bought really nice things at the Art Fair today. And if they got nice things, how could the Art Fair be bad?

I'll tell you how: The Art Fair exists not so much to display art, but to sell it. People fly out from all over the country to show off their art and then sell it for a lot of money. Why drive out to Ann Arbor if you're not going to make some sweet green selling your paintings of cityscapes and ceramic animals?

The paintings are of cityscapes and the animals are ceramic. Just taking a paragraph to clarify that nobody is selling paintings of ceramic animals. This year...

Anyway, people sell stuff at the Art Fair for a lot of money so it's worth their whiles. Students, however, do not have money, let alone money to spend on decorations fancier than a Fight Club poster. Ooooh, or how about that poster that looks like the Periodic Table of Elements, only instead of atomic weights and stuff, it has recipes for different shots? That's great art. Fuck tungsten and argon; the color-coded ingredients of the Slippery Nipple and the Gorilla Fart make cool, inexpensive college kid art.

College students can't spend an entire paycheck on a clay iguana, a stained glass Jesus face, or a serving plate made of authentic Ethiopian poop. All we see are tourists looking at overpriced art, traffic jams, tourists dragging their children through crowds, closed roads, and tourists eating fried foods. Why exactly should we embrace the Art Fair again?

Also, the friend whose parents bought Art Fair stuff lives in a house that has 7 bathrooms. Maybe they can enjoy the Art Fair, but those of us with 6 bathrooms or less aren't having a good time.

(Anne O' Nym, you know I think you're swell, so don't get mad when I talk about all your bathrooms.)