Loser Magnet and the lobsters

Yesterday I saw a girl on the bus with a backpack with 'Loser Magnet,' on it. Now, unless that's the name of her favorite band, having those words there isn't going to help her make friends.

If men paid attention, meeting her on would go something like:
'Hey, mind if I sit here? Thanks. Say, don't you live in Bursley? That's cool. Hey, what's written on your backpack?'
(pause, guy looks at the words 'Loser Magnet' on her backpack)
'Well then, fuck you too, bitch.'

Some day she'll meet her dream guy. He'll be into the same music as her, like the same movies that she does, and he'll be wearing a shirt that says, 'I must be covered in Cunt Glue.'

She'll see that shirt, talk to him, and they'll fall madly in love, but then they'll break up once she finds out that Cunt Glue is actually just a band and she's attracted yet another loser.

(work.)

I wanted to sit down next to her and say, "Listen, what you've got written on your backpack right now makes you look crazy. Let me help you with that." Then I'd take out a marker and make a couple changes.
She'd say, "You just added a couple letters. Now my backpack just says 'Lobster Magnet.'"
"And now all the boys on campus will want to know what's so special about you that makes you attract lobsters. You're welcome."
Then I'd get off the bus, regardless of whether or not it's my stop, and I'd walk home feeling good about myself.

She'll go home and throw away her backpack while dozens of lobsters scurry toward her dorm room.