Alternative smear campaigns and babies with mustaches

Now that the midterm election is over, I'm going to miss all those smear commercials.

'Jennifer Granholm hates jobs so much she burned down a factory that makes blankets for cold orphans. She also hates orphans. And blankets.' (camera zooms in on a blanket and fades to a photo of Granholm looking angry)

or

'Dick DeVos loves migrant workers so much he forced his own family to grow mustaches and speak Spanish. And he has a baby.' (camera zooms in on a baby with a mustache taped to its face)

I think the smear commercials that aired during prime time could have been more effective. Voters need to feel like the candidates don't care about the same things as them for the smear commercials to work.

'Jennifer Granholm hates Grey's Anatomy.'

'Dick DeVos can't really get into Lost.'

Voters will think 'What do you mean, he can't get into Lost?! Did he at least start with the first season?! Screw that guy, I'm voting for the Democrats.'

(bed.)

All politics aside, if one candidate liked Arrested Development and the other liked Everybody Loves Raymond, I'd vote for the Arrested Development candidate even if that meant all my tax dollars would go toward cocaine that would later be snorted off a little boy's butt.

Errr...I take that back. I pick my candidates like I pick my women: I vote for the candidate with the biggest titties. You're my girl, Granholm.