50% More Sparkles than Coke

I've recently become a masochist, so not only have I started a blog, but I've started buying soy milk.

The thing is, in the nutrition facts, Trans Fat is in italics, as if the milk itself is bragging about how there are 0 grams of it. However, Trans Fat is one of those things that nobody understands, like Ginkgo Biloba and Taurine. Sure, it's advertised, and we know if it's good or bad, but it's still just as good as saying 'Pepsi has 50% more SPARKLES than Coke.'

Whenever I want to think like most people, I imagine what my mom would do. And I'm sure Mom has no idea what Trans Fat is, but she knows it's bad. Ginkgo biloba is made of old wizard's magic, and taurine turns all your hideous rashes into delicious slices of pepperoni.

Speaking of pepperoni, it's time to eat things.

(food, mostly.)

I recently realized that most people have no idea what the hell a lot of food labels mean. For all I know, ginkgo biloba could be a common type of grass. For all I know some asshole's been putting his lawn clippings into vitamins and making a fortune by throwing "Now with GINKGO BILOBA" on all sorts of product packaging (plus, his lawn's all mowed).

And once again, urgency makes things awesome. Not only is a burning pub a way to create meaningful relationships with strangers, but by including the word "NOW" in advertising, people are reminded that there's no time like the present to buy stuff, and buy it FAST. "NOW WITH NEGATIVE SEVEN GRAMS OF TRANS FAT!"

It's amazing how much thinking I do despite the fact that this is just a place where I post needlessly long away messages.