Bathroom seduction

The other day I found evidence that implies that a couple boned in a 24-hour computer lab bathroom.

I found a newspaper that had 3 messages written on it:
1) '¿Wanna do it?'
In purple pen, so it was probably written by a woman.
2) '¿Quieres?'
Maybe the boyfriend only speaks Spanish. Heck, maybe he works at Wendy's.
3) 'You have to seduce me.'
Bitch, you just ruined it. You are about to suggest that you and a dude bang in a bathroom. If people poop there, chances are it's not a romantic venue.

No woman's been seduced into being humped in a public bathroom. Think of it this way: Your chances of getting sweet, forceful love are positively correlated with the probability of your man lighting candles for you.

And a man's only lighting candles in a bathroom if he's planning on taking a huge dump, not sexin' you down.

(Bed.)

Ya know, Wendy's is in the same building as this particular computer lab. There's a chance that some hot lady got 5 chicken nuggets for a dollar (a stellar deal!) and then decided to invite Miguel, no longer fictional, downstairs to the computer lab for some sweet talking and email checking.

But Miguel, being a simple, often made-up man, probably doesn't have an email address.

When I think about people who don't have email addresses, I initially think, "Oh, those poor souls." Then I remember that I hate having to check email and I come to envy them for not having an email address, the internet, or even a computer, and I think "Well, fuck them for having it so easy." Then I remember that I like the internet and my computer, so I combine the two feelings and get "Those poor souls, fuck them."