Suburban fear SUV and the invention of landscaping

Last night I drove home to Walled Lake to pick up some clothes, and holy balls, Suburbia is ridiculous.

I think while I left all my neighbors bought the biggest cars they could find. Why? I'm guessing because they're afraid.

No, in Suburbia, you stay in the same place, so you start wondering what your neighbors have. 'Hey, look at that guy's lawnmower, I need a sweet lawnmower now. Shit look at this landscaping, let's buy a lot of bushes. Damn, look at his wife! Honey, go get ass implants.'

College towns, by contrast, don't give a shit. I don't know my neighbors - fuck, I don't even know my subletters that well - and I can drive my shitty car and have a messy lawn and I don't care what people in close proximity think: I'm moving in a year.

But the second I get myself a permanent house, I need to get a large black SUV that, at the press of a button, can turn into an even larger black SUV.

(Work.)

Suburbia is a great example of what happens when you put a bunch of people next to each other. Sure, they may get along, but suddenly if they do anything in their free time it's to one-up the guy next door. There would be no such thing as landscaping if the suburbs did not exist.

Wife: "Honey, mow the lawn."
Husband: "I did. It's well-mowed and it looks just as good as the neighbor's."
Wife: "That's it?! We have the exact same house as everyone else in this subdivision. We have to prove that we're better than them in some way.
Husband: "I guess I could go buy some bushes 'n shit."
Wife: "Husband, you're a genius!"
Husband: "I'll never forgive my parents for naming me Husband."

And that's how landscaping was invented.