Two words for easier dating

Guys, you tired of using conventional methods of attracting women? Sick of buying cologne, holding doors open, and taking showers? Well then, I've got two words for you:

Stockholm syndrome.

Kidnap a girl, then let her chill in your basement for a while. She'll be eating out of your hands in no time. In fact, she'll be doing that as soon as you kidnap her, because you'll have duct taped her arms to an office chair.

(work.)

Alternative ending: "She'll be eating out of your hands in no time, just as soon as you take the sock out of her mouth."

I don't know how some people can read some away messages that say things like, "Laundry!" or "around" and then be perfectly fine reading my away messages which are more to the tune of "Kidnap a woman and then she'll be your girlfriend!" or "Rich people like to poop!" I think that, to your brain, that's like getting out of a hot tub and then rolling around in the snow. It'd put your brain into shock so that it starts crapping all over itself.

How do you like that, loyal reader(s)? Your brains have anuses.

Chew on that while I'm over here with a non-pooping brain, lovin' life and feelin' fine.