I would have insulted you with girl parts instead

A while ago at a Smash Bros tournament I was trash talking some guy and I said something along the lines of 'YOU WILL EAT BALLS NOW.' Then he said, 'What if I'd like that?' That kinda confused me, but I let it slide.

Then I saw the guy's facebook profile and noticed that he put 'Madonna' under 'favorite music.' I just want to go back in time and say 'Hey man, sorry, didn't know you were gay. You could have just told me you liked Madonna earlier and I would have, ya know, insulted you with pussy instead.'

(bed.)

Now that I think about it, there are probably better reasons to go back in time. I won't tell you what they are. That's for you to decide.

Yesterday I saw a lady with Coke bottle glasses walking down the street screaming at nobody in particular. "I HATE YOU, BEN FRANKLIN," etc. Man, where's her reality show? I could watch her walk around town all day yelling "FUCK YOUR CHEESE, YOU ASSHOLE" or "FUCK YOUR ASSHOLE, YOU CHEESE" at fire hydrants, street signs, and demon spirits. When you're clinically insane, you're a lot more unpredictable than Paris Hilton hilariously doing something wrong for the millionth time, and unpredicitability is what makes reality television so special.
Especially when the star of it craps on a stranger's porch and then steals his mailbox.