Bad electricity, dead eskimos
Today an electrician evaluated our power situation at the house. What we received was a pink slip featuring a list of errors and the words: 'Status: FAIL'
Among the other blunders of our housing group:
-When the air conditioning broke, they hired eskimos to walk around the house and hug everybody.
-When our ceiling had a leak in it, they just gave us a bucket to collect any messes. When our toilet was broken, we got the same thing.
-Our toilet is powered by crank, and our washing machine is powered by a team of hamsters on wheels.
-All the hamsters are dead.
-So are half the eskimos.
Christ, these long away messages are killing me. I told myself, 'I want to go to bed' but I replied with 'make a dumb list about your house in which half the eskimos die.'
Ta da! Now I'm tired.
(Sleep, then work 3:30 to 9:30am.)
While writing that dumb list, I was tempted to include real things they've done wrong, but I decided that'd be too easy. But for fun, here's a serious list of crappy things Cappo Management has provided:
-Our dishwasher leaves little specks of crap on and around our dishes.
-At first our oven had no knob, but then they got us a knob, and it was blank, so they gave us an oven thermometer.
-One of the outlets in our kitchen is busted, so we have an extension cord going across the middle of our kitchen.
-Our toilet spit nastiness all over the 2nd floor of the house. Our bathroom also leaks into one of the 1st floor bedrooms, just not mine.
-One of the parking spots behind our house is shared with some random girl. We don't even know her name, but we routinely curse her existence every time we pull into our back yard and see her stupid car parked there. This isn't even her fault; she was put there for us to hate her. Thanks, landlords.
Our real problems make our fake problems seem so much more fun. Kind of makes me wish for a pile of dead hamsters in the basement.
Among the other blunders of our housing group:
-When the air conditioning broke, they hired eskimos to walk around the house and hug everybody.
-When our ceiling had a leak in it, they just gave us a bucket to collect any messes. When our toilet was broken, we got the same thing.
-Our toilet is powered by crank, and our washing machine is powered by a team of hamsters on wheels.
-All the hamsters are dead.
-So are half the eskimos.
Christ, these long away messages are killing me. I told myself, 'I want to go to bed' but I replied with 'make a dumb list about your house in which half the eskimos die.'
Ta da! Now I'm tired.
(Sleep, then work 3:30 to 9:30am.)
While writing that dumb list, I was tempted to include real things they've done wrong, but I decided that'd be too easy. But for fun, here's a serious list of crappy things Cappo Management has provided:
-Our dishwasher leaves little specks of crap on and around our dishes.
-At first our oven had no knob, but then they got us a knob, and it was blank, so they gave us an oven thermometer.
-One of the outlets in our kitchen is busted, so we have an extension cord going across the middle of our kitchen.
-Our toilet spit nastiness all over the 2nd floor of the house. Our bathroom also leaks into one of the 1st floor bedrooms, just not mine.
-One of the parking spots behind our house is shared with some random girl. We don't even know her name, but we routinely curse her existence every time we pull into our back yard and see her stupid car parked there. This isn't even her fault; she was put there for us to hate her. Thanks, landlords.
Our real problems make our fake problems seem so much more fun. Kind of makes me wish for a pile of dead hamsters in the basement.
posted by Henry at 1:05 AM
1 Comments:
Some girl parks in my backyard, too. The only problem concerning this is that my backyard is just a bunch of woods, and there's no houses near where she parks. I think she's living under my porch.
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