Home is viruses, death, and pudding
Every time I go home for the weekend, a few things happen:
1) The neighbors are having computer problems and only I can save them. Someone was using KaZaA and they accidentally downloaded a zip file filled with tuberculosis. The problem is usually unfixable.
2) My mom tells me who died. I'll be eating cereal and watching TV and then she'll say, 'Did you know Ryan Berg? Because he was shooting up heroin in a parking lot when a drunk driver hit him, got out the car, and then shot him because he was in a rival gang.'
3) I eat like a pig. In college, you can't afford food amenities like candy bars and pudding cups, so I go home and it's like 'holy shit, this is where the good fat people go when they die.'
Be back tomorrow.
(Home.)
1) The neighbors are having computer problems and only I can save them. Someone was using KaZaA and they accidentally downloaded a zip file filled with tuberculosis. The problem is usually unfixable.
2) My mom tells me who died. I'll be eating cereal and watching TV and then she'll say, 'Did you know Ryan Berg? Because he was shooting up heroin in a parking lot when a drunk driver hit him, got out the car, and then shot him because he was in a rival gang.'
3) I eat like a pig. In college, you can't afford food amenities like candy bars and pudding cups, so I go home and it's like 'holy shit, this is where the good fat people go when they die.'
Be back tomorrow.
(Home.)
Labels: computer illiteracy, food, suburbs
posted by Henry at 10:34 AM
1 Comments:
I saw a fat lady throw up red Slurpee the other day.
I thought she got shot and the resulting heaving and sloshy sound was her bringing up her own stomach.
Sharks can throw up their own stomach, so can frogs.
In conclusion frogs and sharks are fat.
I saw a shark throw up red Slurpee.
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