New Student Plus

After you beat some video games, they let you go back with all your abilities and experience and replay the game from the beginning.

Can you imagine doing that after graduation? You could go back to freshman year and know about dorm food and fraternities and really get the most of college because you've (hopefully) got your priorities in place after 4 years of personal growth.

However, there are people who stick around after graduation and and bang naive freshman chicks. These people haven't gone back in time to relive the good ol' days. They aren't time travelers. They're just douche bags.

So while my little 'what if' scenario may get you thinking, I don't want you becoming a douche bag because of it.

(Work 'til 11ish.)

For those of you who played Chrono Trigger (bam! now all references are lost on 99% of women), you may remember how you could replay the game with all your cool items and abilities. In college, that'd mean you have the self confidence of a senior in the same situations as the other freshmen.

To put this in perspective with video games, this would be the same thing as beating up really basic enemies with higher-level attacks. The challenge would be gone. You could woo every girl you ever crushed on, pass every exam easily, and open a beer bottle with your keyring.

So given my explanation here, conquering dungeons in a video game is comparable to getting laid.

And ladies, if only you knew how true that was.