The infinite shame of the pink princess pen

Today, at a work picnic, someone had laid out trinkets and other chintzy crap on every table. I found a pink pen adorned with fuzz and a princess on top.

I thought, 'This belongs in the Fishbowl, because nobody would ever steal this clown garbage,' so I put it in my pocket for future delivery.

Tonight at a meeting everyone had to fill out raffle tickets, so I took out the princess pen and wrote my name as discreetly as possible.

The guy next to me asked if he could use my pen, so I handed it to him. He looked at me like I was fucking with him, but I explained it was for the computer lab. 'YOU BOUGHT THIS?!' No, dude, I got it for free. You know, I've got the hookup on homosexual writing utensils, man.

Oh, and the pen lights up, so when the guy wrote his name, the princess glowed red and the guy glared at me.

But on the upside, he didn't steal the pen.

(bed.)

I think the only writing utensil more embarrassing than that pink princess pen would have been a purple dildo dipped in paint. "Here, guy next to me. It writes really big, so be careful."