To live, you must hit a dude with a forklift
Today at the FedEx receiving building I saw a sign that said '147 days without an accident, 19 without an injury.' Immediately I assumed that accidents caused injuries. Someone drops a box on another guy's foot - an accident - and he has to get a prosthetic leg - an injury. That makes sense, right? Also the prosthetic leg can shoot lasers.
However, because the numbers are uneven, to me, it meant only one thing: People in there were getting hurt on purpose. It's only been 19 days since an injury, but 141 days since an accident, so clearly some warehouse dude hit another warehouse did with a forklift on purpose. The boss asked him, 'Dave, did you hit Charlie with the forklift?' and Dave says, 'Yes, it was on purpose,' and the boss says, 'Well, he's been fatally injured, but on the upside, at least it wasn't an accident.'
That kind of reasoning happened automatically when I saw that sign, but I think it's because I've always wanted to hit somebody with a forklift.
(bed.)
There comes a time in a man's life where he must seek a forklift and run somebody over, just to get it out of his system. In the olden days, people believed that if one was not acting upon his primal urges at least once, he was not truly living. Using this belief I just made up and referenced, you have not truly lived until you have hit a dude with a forklift.
However, I'm pretty sure "accidents" just means "car accidents" and not "injuries lacking deliberation," so chances are those FedEx employees haven't really killed a man with a forklift.
However, because the numbers are uneven, to me, it meant only one thing: People in there were getting hurt on purpose. It's only been 19 days since an injury, but 141 days since an accident, so clearly some warehouse dude hit another warehouse did with a forklift on purpose. The boss asked him, 'Dave, did you hit Charlie with the forklift?' and Dave says, 'Yes, it was on purpose,' and the boss says, 'Well, he's been fatally injured, but on the upside, at least it wasn't an accident.'
That kind of reasoning happened automatically when I saw that sign, but I think it's because I've always wanted to hit somebody with a forklift.
(bed.)
There comes a time in a man's life where he must seek a forklift and run somebody over, just to get it out of his system. In the olden days, people believed that if one was not acting upon his primal urges at least once, he was not truly living. Using this belief I just made up and referenced, you have not truly lived until you have hit a dude with a forklift.
However, I'm pretty sure "accidents" just means "car accidents" and not "injuries lacking deliberation," so chances are those FedEx employees haven't really killed a man with a forklift.
posted by Henry at 1:13 AM
2 Comments:
I hate to be a Debbie Downer, but it was probably "190 days without an injury." So there was an accident that broke some boxes or something, but they were fine.
Don't reason me with your reason, Jeff Kelley. I'll be whatever I wanna do.
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