Cleaning dried vomit off a Comcast modem

A while back I talked about how, after a ridiculous night of drinking, I ended up barfing on my bedroom floor.

Well, I've long since moved out of that room, but today I returned my old modem and cable box to Comcast and surprise! There was a little puke on the modem.

I figured they'd notice this. 'Excuse me, sir, but there's four-month-old burrito splatter on our modem.' I don't want to explain that.

So instead I used a combination of my index finger and fresh saliva to clean dried vomit off of a modem minutes before I was to return it to a kind old woman working the front desk.

Not my best moment.

(bdubs.)

To answer an inquiry I received, I did not apply the saliva directly to my finger. Rather, I spit on it, then wiped down the modem. Then I handed the spitty modem to an old lady working for a company whose motto is "Comcast - We thank you for choosing us, but we both know we're a monopoly."

And as you may or may not know, the best way to beat a Monopoly is to throw up on it, then give it back to itself.

It's important to note that this tip does not work with the game Monopoly.