Dog in a dress

Blast from the past.

Then, on the ol' website, I had a picture of a dog in a dress with the caption:
'I originally wanted to insert a picture of a dress and make some crack about John wearing lingerie, but after I found this picture I changed my mind. It's a dog wearing an evening gown. And this tells us one thing: They're evolving.'

Well, Former Self, I sure hope dogs wearing clothes is a sign of evolution, because who doesn't want to speed up natural selection by sliding a pair of pants onto a sad dog?

(Bed.)

Feeling lucky with Google

Google the following phrases. Feel free to click 'I'm feeling lucky' if you have the balls for it, you pansy:
'retarded websites'
'spanish swears'

Now google my name: 'Henry Birdseye.' (Stalkers, I just made your life a lot easier by giving you this information)

Note that googling my name won't get you my now-comatose website in the first 30 results, yet I am #1 when looking for stupid internet pages or the Spanish word for 'piss.'

This explains why all the middle schoolers who IM me expect nothing but fart jokes and cuss words, yet none of them know my first name.

This is what it's like to be nibbling the crust of an Internet Fame Sandwich. Two parts bread, five parts you not being able to explain how you have fans to your grandma.

(Bed, work, real life, etc.)