Time to rock this paper, scissors

I shall enter the computer lab with no more than a belly full of bagels and a bottle of Vault Zero, a diet-citrus-soft-drink-energy-beverage I got really cheap at Kroger.

Pray for me, away message readers, but like, don't pray for my sins or anything. Just get me a passing grade on this thing and we're cool. Tell Jesus I say hi.

(Time to rock this paper, scissors.)

I got home from the computer lab at about 6:30am. I then proceeded to sleep for an hour, then wake up and get back to work. The scientific process, when written, is just about the most unproductive thing on the planet, and this is coming from a guy who regularly reads at least seven news blogs.

Science, if you want to happen, just happen, but don't make me type out a bunch of shit so I can have permission to see you. Asshole.

You shot dominoes out of your fingers

At 3:30 I'm running an experiment in my psych lab. The thing is, I've never run it with just myself and another new lab rookie. So basically we're going to have a stranger come in, we're going to put electrodes on his head, and then we'll all cross our fingers and hope the science happens. Only science doesn't happen like that. Magic does. And I wasn't accepted into a magic lab, because that doesn't make any fucking sense. You get a magic wand, you're shooting sparks all over the goddamn place and nobody asks you to do any math or analyze any data. You just gave a small child a giraffe neck and then you shot dominoes out of your fingers. That's a magic lab, people. What I'm doing? That's just being inept.

I'm going to lab now. Wish me magic.

(Freeform.)

Well, good news. I showed up to lab and our goddamn subject didn't show up, so instead of hooking someone's scalp up to electrodes and hoping that science works its magic (is science allowed to work magic?), I sat in the lab and organized old data until my brain liquified and dripped out of my right ear, totally staining my shirt and ruining my day.

So far, more subjects have been no-shows than yes-shows, which is ridiculous because my lab is practically throwing money at undergrads who don't mind spending 2 hours with strangers who get sticky adhesive gel in their hair. And if the internet's taught me anything, it's that college students don't care how much shit gets in their hair if the price is right.

Fun Fact: This away message was put up without the word "neck" in it (first paragraph, toward the end, find it yourself), so I suggested that magicians give children giraffes. Just a whole giraffe. Here buddy, enjoy. It's got a long neck to reach the highest tree leaves in Africa. I'm a magician, and this is what I do in magic lab.