Give the old woman a lapdance

Amy's grandmother is having a birthday tomorrow, and very briefly I thought of a gift that could go from sexy to tragic in mere seconds.

Amy's grandmother likes me. I don't know if it's because I'm a nice guy or because I keep pills in my pockets, but I'd say she digs me. And when a lady digs you, what's the best thing to do for her?

That's right: give her a lapdance.

Well, very briefly, I pictured myself sitting on her lap and then her yelling at me because her legs couldn't support my weight. Then Amy's family would get mad at me for straddling their eldest member and I'd be asked to leave for trying to do something sexy for an old woman's birthday.

Looks like someone's just getting a hug tomorrow.

(Class.)

I don't even know how to give a lapdance. Fortunately, this hypothetical lapdance in my head ended with an old woman getting hurt, so I didn't have to get to that part where I panic because I don't know how to grind someone more than one way.