Better average than fat, I guess

Sure, you may graduate and feel like you're destined for mediocrity, but at least you're not that popular girl from high school who went off to college and got fat.

Normal people: 0
People who hit their prime in high school: -1

(New nofx album, bed.)

Maybe I'm just a dickhead, but upon hearing that the girl I had a crush on in first grade became really fat, I smiled a smile of justice. It's entirely possible that God, in His ultimate sense of what is right and wrong, saw that this girl didn't want to get freaky with me when I was six (read: "kiss me behind the monkey bars"), so He decided to make her less desireable so that later in life nobody would want to kiss her behind the monkey bars.

Or maybe God had no part in this and this girl just likes eating. But I'm putting all my money on the God part, just 'cause it makes me feel special. And isn't that what God is for in the first place: making insignificant people feel special?

Note how all it takes is one fat chick for me to make sweeping, controversial statements about religion. Oops.