Unnecessary audience blue balling

I don't know why the encore caught on as a concert tradition. I'm sure the first couple times it was a welcome surprise, but now, 300 years later, it's expected. The encore has just become this unnecessary audience blue balling.

Come on, you stupid band, I paid you money, I know it's happening, so how about you just play the last two songs right now and you don't walk away and pretend you're not coming back.

That'd be like marrying a girl, and then her making out with you, then pretending to fall asleep for sixty seconds before 'waking up' and doing you.

I paid you, so wake up and play me two more songs. With your naked wife body.

And that's why I hate encores: they cheapen the idea of marriage.

(Party.)

Every time a band leaves and then comes back to play songs, I feel like it's Christmas Day and I have to open presents while saying "Thank you, Santa" because I'm not allowed to admit that I know the secret of Christmas: that Santa isn't real and that the band is coming back. Like if I told the people around me that the band was definitely returning I'd be spoiling the concert for them.

However, some people really like clapping, so me telling them the truth may ruin their fun. I also feel this way at football games. "THEY'RE MAKING YOU CLAP BECAUSE NOTHING IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW." People clap between plays in football games because the cheerleaders tell them to. All the goddamn clapping accomplishes nothing. The next play will continue just like how the band is coming back. So stop hitting your hands together, you morons.

Now that I think about it, has clapping ever accomplished anything? Think about that, internet people. (The last three paragraphs were written while I was drunk. I feel like that's an achievement.)