Amy's family is like Snakes on a Plane

Today I'm meeting Amy's dad's side of the family at a BBQ. I was worrying about what I should wear and whether I should keep my sweet beard or not. Then Amy's mom left me a voicemail that relieved some of the pressure:

'Hey, don't dress up. You don't even have to shower. These people aren't prizes, so don't worry about it.'

I think more stuff should work that way.

'Don't worry about that job interview. The guy asking you questions is a stupid dog fucker, and rumor has it he's legally retarded.'

'That piano recital tonight is going to be cake, man. The audience is fat and tone deaf, and I, your instructor, drown Hurricane Katrina survivors every Thursday. You know, because I'm a terrible person whose opinion should not matter to you. Relax.'

So, less pressure, even if I'm apparently meeting people who suck.

(first impressions.)

Man, now that I've actually met these people, I can safely say that yes, they were all assholes. I should have just rolled out of bed, driven to Amy's house, and started hugging strangers so I could go home sooner.

Nah, just kidding, they were all nice people and I had a good time.

Meeting Amy's dad's side of the family was kind of like seeing Snakes on a Plane. I was told it was going to suck, and then it was pretty good, and that made the whole thing seem great.

Meeting Amy's family was also like Snakes on a Plane because they charged me 8 dollars at the door and then we all sat in the dark for two hours.

The beard connection

Amy's mom is making meat loaf, which is great, because I love loaves of all sorts. Her father, however does not like me, possibly because I'm not a scientist or a lawyer or a doctor and basically I'm just some punk who's going to ruin his daughter's future.

However, because of finals and work I have indirectly provided myself a way to way to connect with him: beards.

I have a stress beard. And from this, I can have that girlfriend's-father-to-boyfriend talk about beards. Where my beard is going, how I found it, what others think of it. He can talk about his beard, and we can laugh and the meatloaf dinner will be a success, all because of beards.

Thanks, beards!

(Facial hair and rectangular meat.)

Stressing over finals yields gibberish

This morning I have to pick between studying for an exam worth 25% of my grade or revising a shitty story for a portfolio worth ALL of my grade. This is like picking between two kids I don't really like. The one I pick sticks around and bothers me while the other one shits on my GPA.

And that didn't even make any sense, but I've been awake for about 20 hours straight now (with only about 12 more to go before I can go back to bed) so you can't hold me accountable for anything I type in this state of mind.

One time I deep fried a family of wild gerbils and then fed them to a pack of crocodiles who are allergic to gerbils. dun dun DUN holy shit I'm going to the fishbowl to study now.

If I live through this, people, you may actually see me in real life. And I'll shave this fucking stress beard.

(death.)