Help me find the cure for Vindieselitis

The other day I was thinking about what I would do if I got a rare disease that nobody's even heard of before. After a few minutes of deep thought, I knew what I would do.

I would find a way to infect a celebrity with my disease.

You may be thinking, 'Why? Why would you do that? That's horrible.' Well, having my disease is horrible, too, and you don't see me freaking out.

Anyway, celebrities could get people to find a cure better than I ever could. I'd probably just get a syringe full of my blood and go to Hollywood. I'd pick out a celebrity everybody knows but doesn't really like and then find a way to get 'em sick.

Sure, the disease won't be named after me, but that's fine, because the celebrity will probably name the disease after himself before he goes on a 'Find the Cure' tour. I don't mind having Keanu Reeves Disease or Vindieselitis as long as it gets cured.

(bed.)

What began as a simple "What if...?" thought exercise led to me daydreaming about infecting celebrities with my hypothetically diseased blood.

Who do you think I should infect with my (fictional) rare disease? I'm leaning toward Carlos Mencia. That guy's an asshole.

Jamster's ringtone zombie king

AIM's buddy list window, by default, has an obnoxious flash ad at the top. Sometimes the ads are for a new movie, but most of the time (at least for me) the buddy list ads are for Jamster ringtones.

Right now there's a Jamster ringtone ad in my buddy list window featuring Notorious B.I.G. Only the coloring is off, so he's red and grey, and the picture's small, so he's expressionless.

It's like a Biggie Smalls zombie has come back from the dead to sell me ringtones from my buddy list window. And to make matters worse, the ad is in Flash, so I can zoom in on his face. The result is chilling.

And he's wearing a crown, so I guess he's the ringtone zombie king. Great advertising, Jamster.

(bed.)

Offend the horse bangers

The other day some DJs on 89x were talking about a recent controversy involving Tiger Woods.

In an interview, he talked about how he had messed up and described himself as 'a total spaz.'
People with cerebral palsy got all mad because 'spaz' refers to people with the palsy.
And the 89x DJ, without a bit of irony in her voice, said, 'That's lame.'
So I heard that and thought, 'Wow, she's retarded.'

Then someone read this and thought, 'Jokes about political correctness in an away message? That's gay.'

Think about it. We insult people by giving them culturally undesirable traits, some of which are inescapable.

Which is why I insult people by calling them horse fuckers. Nobody is going to say, 'Excuse me, I fuck horses, and I find that offensive.' And if they do, well, fuck them and the horse they rode in on.

(Work, double entendres, etc. Back by 11:15am.)

Alcoholism may be a disease, and homosexuality may be genetic, but nobody's going to come out of the womb yearning for horse sex.

Unless, of course, you live on a farm that raises horses that are really, really sexy. In which case, you stay in that magical horse farm and you bang those horses, but don't start picketing if I call someone a horse fucker.