I accidentally ate bugs

This next part's kind of gross, so don't read it within 30 minutes of eating food.

Yesterday I was eating Kashi cereal for dinner when toward the end of the bowl I noticed a couple of tiny black specks floating in the milk. I looked closer and then realized oh shit, those are bugs.

So, I thought, what do I do now? Quit eating the fucking cereal, obviously. But now do I throw up? I mean, just how many bugs did I eat without realizing it? Were they always in the food or did they climb in up off the table? Are they going to lay eggs?

Then I started thinking about how nutritious the bugs were to stop myself from throwing up. 'Some cultures eat them all the time, right? I think I read that in National Geographic.'
'Did you?' I thought back at myself. 'Did you really read that or did you make it up? Also they probably clean the bugs first, and they're most likely different bugs. Healthier bugs.'

So I, not sure if the bugs that may be in my stomach were even dead, just drank a beer really fast to supposedly kill them, but even then I wasn't sure if they weren't going to lay eggs.
Maybe pouring beer on bugs is like pouring water on a gremlin, ya know?

So I may be sick today, but I feel fine, at least until an army of bugs bursts out of my stomach.

(work.)

I thought about how bugs supposedly have a lot of protein in them, and how all that protein was good for me, and because of all the protein I should have no problem eating bugs that may have been crawling around in my cereal for weeks, because at least it's healthy.

But I don't even know if bugs have protein in them. I think I just assumed they did so I didn't feel sicker.

Two in a row: money to death

Is there a casual way to tell your grandparents that you can't make rent and that your computer's broken and you can't fix it because you have no money?

If yes, please tell me now, as there's a good chance that I'm trying to do that as you read this.

(Politely begging.)

My grandpa assured me that my money problems are over, at least for now. However, he casually mentioned that a relative recently had a heart attack, then told me that Birdseyes have really bad hearts.

So basically my problems just went from, 'I'm screwed, I have no money' to 'I'm screwed, I'm going to die.'

Looks like I've fallen out of the frying pan and into the ...um... thing that causes heart attacks at a young age. Damn.

(Working out.)

I'm not very good at metaphors.

Consistent references to meals

Nothing says, 'I'm ready to present stuff to the class and turn in important papers' like a general feeling of nausea, 4 hours of sleep, and stomach full of reheated sausage and mac 'n cheese.

Who remembers the sausage and mac 'n cheese from earlier? I wrote about that a while ago. Regular readers feel more up to speed at this point, because they remember what I ate for dinner last night. That's the kind of continuity I can promise with my away messages: consistent references to meals.

Well, now that I've wasted everybody's time, I suppose I'll go get ready for my impending doom. Maybe drink a can of V8. Whatever.

(Class, presentation, panic attack, resuscitation, video games screening, home, bed.)

The presentation went well, but the V8 on the way out was kind of gross. If it's supposed to be so good for you, then why do they pack it so full of salt that you have to chew it? It's the Guinness of vegetable drinks. Healthy my ass. Give me a healthy drink I can drink.

Dentistry websites and shark attack videos

I'm pretty sure my wisdom teeth are coming in. I haven't heard from a dentist in a while (insurance/money reasons), but the last time I went he said I may not have to have mine removed. However, I should not take comfort in something a dentist said over 2 years ago.

I googled 'wisdom teeth', and I realized that this was a bad idea. I'm about to get more teeth in my mouth, and google returned nothing but pages about impacted wisdom teeth. That's only preparing me to panic. That's like knowing you're going to go swimming with whales in the morning, so you stay up all night watching violent shark attack videos.

All dental woes aside, I've got a 22-page group paper to hand in, a presentation to give, and a final to take. To hell with my teeth. Time to bite the bullet, assuming I can still physically do that.

(Danger.)