Unsecured diapers

My neighbors left their wireless network unsecured. Their network, 'Wireless,' still had its shameful default name.

That is, until I logged into their router and made some changes.


Eventually they're going to connect to their network. One roommate will call to the other and say, 'Did you change our wireless network's name?' The other will say, 'No, I don't think so.'

Then, there will be a pause.

'Are we...diapers?'

'Yes, I believe we're diapers.'
'Damn.'
Then they log into their router and add a password, living happily ever after.

Unfortunately, that day has yet to come, and so they're still diapers.



(bed.)

Note that the network in my apartment is CORRUPT_DONOTCONNECT. You want to convince people that they don't want to use your wireless network, and the best way to do that is through scary names and caps lock.

If you had to choose between "CORRUPT_DONOTCONNECT" and "diapers," which one would you choose: the network that threatens to hack your files or the network that promises to hold all your poop? I'm not a gambling man, but if I were, I'd bet on Huggies over the SCARY CAPS LOCK NETWORK.

Lovers (of horses) Who are Proud To be Loud

Tuesday was a slow work day, so I edited another Facebook group like the bored bastard I was.

This time, however, I decided to only change the picture and add just one sentence. See if you can find it!


Imagine hearing someone having loud sex with a horse in an elevator. It's hard, isn't it?

The imagining, I mean. Pervert.

(work.)

That'll teach those people to join a Facebook group and then not monitor it constantly.

Apparently changing Facebook groups was a lot easier at one point. A while ago I found a group whose description said things like, "We're against people who are against the 80's. We love the 80's. We think Alf is great" or whatever, but the name of the group was "Cum Gobblers Union."

Nowadays you've got to ruin a group by writing an offensive description around the unchangeable group name. It's tough, but I get by.

The WMD of Facebook terrorism

I am the administrator of a Facebook group containing over 3,000 people in it. I believe it is the most popular Facebook group at the University of Michigan.

At any time I can turn it into a Facebook group about having a really bad poop fetish.

You think about that, and you think about what Jesus would do.

But Jesus wasn't on Facebook, so he's not an acceptable role model here. Be ready, potential poop lovers.

(work, 8-6.)

"I Thought That Guy Who Plays the Harmonica By the Ugli Was Homeless Until I Found Out He's a Prof." has 3348 members other than myself. Every one of these people could end up looking like any of the following:

• foot fetishist
• communist
• person who is sexually aroused by various animals
• fan of the TV show Perfect Strangers
• knight of the Ku Klux Klan
• eater of toenails
• someone who enjoys dressing up like Batman, but only the top half, so they're still wearing the cape, mask, and utility belt but everyone can still see their genitals
• horny housewife

The cyber-fates of all 3348 people in this group are in my hands. Oh, and the creator of the group rejoined, so he's an admin now, too. He'd probably reset the group if I changed it to something he didn't like, so I need to find out if he likes Perfect Strangers or dressing up like No-Pants Batman.

One more ruined Facebook group

I ruined another Facebook group.

I think this speaks for itself:

(click the image for the full size version)

K, that's all, I'm late for work. I hope you're all happy that I'm almost late for work every morning because of these goddamn things.

(work.)

I put a lot of work into that graphic. First I had to do a Google image search for "owl sex", then I had to search for "kid jail", then finally "bee." Five minutes in Photoshop and voila! Owls having sex over a kid in jail over a bee. And I did this at work, so I technically got paid to make everyone in that group look like an owl-banging, kidnapping, bee eater.

I should be kicked out of Facebook

The creator of a Facebook group becomes its administrator. When the creator leaves, any member can become the new admin and edit information about the group. It is possible for anybody to join these admin-less groups and edit all pictures and group descriptions. That having been said:

I should be

kicked out

of Facebook.


(click the images to see them full size.)

To date, one group's been restored (with complaints) and the grandma blowjob group now has an administrator, but she hasn't changed the group back. Probably because she does unspeakable things with her grandparents.

(Bed.)

The fantastic part about doing this is that if I leave the groups after editing them, there is nothing tracing me back to the crime.

Except, of course, when I post a confession in my goddamn blog.