Instant messaging is not manly

Some teenagers take the internet too seriously. That guy from two days ago, the one who insulted my technology when he got mad, IMed me with, 'ya i like how u talk shit on ur away mesage bt ur not man enough to talk shit to me.'

What 'ur not man enough to talk shit to me' really means is 'you're not man enough to send electronic messages to me over the internet.' Yeah, that pretty much defines manliness.

Like remember that scene in 300 when those totally badass Spartans sent text messages to Xerxes and they were like 'fuck u' and Xerxes texted back and said, 'lol u spartans r tough omg.'

Neither do I. Stop taking the internet seriously, you douche bag.

(work.)

The other obvious reason why the Spartans in 300 didn't send a text message to Xerxes is because you can't get a goddamn signal in that valley where Spartans kill people. Also, it's the past.

Insult anything but my Nintendo DS

Sometimes I'll be signed on and people will swear at me for no reason at all. Just the other day some guy IMed me while I was at work.
'hey josh,' he said. A day later he said again, 'hey josh.' Then apparently he got sick of me being gone and he typed to me:
'the nintendo ds sucks'
'hey douchebag'
'THE NINTENDO DS SUCKS'
and that's the last thing he said to me

All it took was a couple days of not being online for him to aim for the heart and insult the Nintendo DS. I guess 'fuck you' just wouldn't have worked for him so naturally he picked a piece of technology and told me it sucks.

I can just imagine this guy walking down the street, approaching some guy, and yelling, 'Hey Mark, YOUR IPOD SUCKS,' and then storming away without caring if that guy was actually Mark.

Sometimes friends ask me why I hate most of the people on the internet. Now you know.

(work.)

He insulted my DS because I had a poll up in my profile asking people what they thought of the DS because I was thinking about getting one.  Being the genius that he is, he went after the Nintendo DS because that's my Achilles heel.

AIM convo: how do u know my name

Yesterday a stranger IMed me. His profile revealed his first and last name and he didn't seem to be aware of this, so I took advantage of the situation.

B P 1718: wat is your name
B P 1718: i hear about you from a freind
J aCkAs Skid: which friend? and what is your name, David?
B P 1718: how do u know my name
J aCkAs Skid: THE INTERNET!!!
B P 1718: ahhhhhhhh
B P 1718: SERIUSLY HOW THE FUCK DO YOU KNOW MY NAME
J aCkAs Skid: I had to call every Smith residence to get your first name. It was a lot of work
B P 1718: HOLY CRAP

And he was not kidding. Kid's kind of an idiot.

(bed.)

People ask me where I find these people, and the answer is that I don't. They find me. Usually they get my screen name from my old website. Back in 2004 when the website was in its hayday, I'd post AIM conversations, people would would read them and put me on their buddy list, then months, sometimes years later they'd send me instant messages wondering who I am because they'd forgotten. This often led to hilarity, or if I was feeling lazy, they just led to me sending Goatse.cx to people who may or may not be too young to drive. Whoops.

If I'm feeling ambitious, I'll post the rest of my conversation with him because it was pretty funny.

Dictionary words and oral sex from Hitler

Here's a conversation with a fan from yesterday:

siickbiiitch: haha emo fuckkers are usally sxe haha with pants so tiight their balls cant breath oo man their funny to watch
J aCkAs Skid: they have too many feelings
siickbiiitch: wtf? how the hell can u have to many feelings
siickbiiitch: they just use like dictonary words to describe thier feelings
J aCkAs Skid: um, most words are in the dictionary

...

siickbiiitch: like the word apathetic....who the hell uses that in everday speech
J aCkAs Skid: well, today I got drunk and used the word "allegory"
J aCkAs Skid: so I guess it depends on your level of education
siickbiiitch: lmao...allegory? i dont even know what that means
J aCkAs Skid: yeah, that one's hard

I haven't updated my website in over 18 months and I still get IMs like this. If I didn't love anonymous praise, I'd hate these people.

(Work, 3-11.)

That guy complimented my balls off before complaining about stuff unintelligibly. Just clarifying that he was a fan before he was an angry typo-monger.

So here's the deal with the love/hate comment.

People will IM me and give me praise for my eternally unupdated website, then they'll present some of the worst grammar, spelling, and conversation I've ever seen. Suddenly, I'm torn. I think these people are retarded, yet they love me. They're like confused puppies that love the big, upright-walking human with the fancy computer words. And that human (He's me!) is allergic to dogs. At least the dumb ones.

It'd be like Hitler going down on you. Man, that feels good, but at the same time, I HATE YOU, HITLER.

By the way, from now on, whenever someone uses a big word I'm going to yell at them for using a "dictionary word." I suggest you do the same.

Confusing pregnancy with having puppies

You ever IM ShoppingBuddy? He apparently confuses human pregnancy with having puppies.



I'm in a computer lab, doing a day's worth of work in a couple hours. Or not sleeping. We'll see.

(Word and PowerPoint.)

All I did was go into a computer lab, look at a couple of old PowerPoints, check my email, and go back home. I suck at college. Sorry, Mom and Dad.